The Dark Happy Hour of the Soul
I’ve reached the point where everything is painful. Ok fine, it’s been like this for about 2 years now. I wake up and it feels like I am living in the gaping, fiery maw of Satan’s bastard child. So I think I’m doing something right.
My life looks peachy from the outside. I’ve got a job with celebrities, a diploma, a car, and a pair of tits. Mazel tov! The crushing realities of human existence can’t catch me now!
Thanks to A Course in Miracles, I see that I am an absolute mental cunt to all my fellow humans. OMG I AM SUCH AN ASSHOLE. I don’t trust happy feelings anymore, because whatever caused them is just an egoic salve that will wear away later- then before I know it I’m face to face with the rotting misery it was concealing. I’d rather just sit with that rotting misery that was there to begin with and make it my bitch.
Life has taught me that it can be a beautiful, gentle damsel. ACIM lifts up her skirt and reveals that that damsel hasn’t shaved in 6 months and homegirl might have a dick.
le sigh.
Tom Friedman, Untitled, 2000
Designboom.com:
“A life size self-portrait. the artist portrays himself in a state of fragmentation produced by a motorcycle accident. Body parts are scattered in a pool of blood, with organs and guts spilling out from the belly and the head splintered beyond recognition. It sounds horrible and, for a second or so, it also looks terrifying. But, the shock immediately dissolves into a prank. The sculpture on the floor is made from colored construction paper, carefully cut with scissors. detailed splatters, everything is reproduced, however, without negating the material being used.”
Kanye: Banished from the Garden
“If you did not feel guilty you could not attack, for condemnation is the root of attack. It is the judgment of one mind by another as unworthy of love and deserving of punishment.…the mind that judges perceives itself as separate from the mind being judged, believing that by punishing another, it will escape punishment (T-13.in.1:1-2,4).”* 
Last weekend I found myself at Coachella, an epically transcendent indie concert in the middle of SoCal’s beautiful Palm Desert. I was actually “working” as a golf cart driver backstage, driving drugged rich bitches and famouses to their VIP destinations. #Happydream.
Kanye headlined the last night of the concert and fuqing kicked ass. Like, really. Some publications later claimed he put on the best rap set ever seen, which is pretty unheard of at a hippie concert in the desert. When I was in the sea of the throbbing crowd (shirking my golf cart responsibilities, woops), I got a sense that this was like a mini homecoming of sorts for K-dog. Kanye’s been ravaged in the media since his 2009 VMA debacle where he commandeered the microphone from Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech. Remember??? Taylor stood there all sweet and sparkly and innocent, and Kanye + his Hennessy seemed to plow through all that and murder her moment. Katy Perry’s tweet aptly describes the situation: “FUCK U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED ON A KITTEN”
We collectively banished Kanye from the garden, y’all. We recognized in him our own disgraceful act of rejecting innocence and thinking we could do better because we know what’s best for us and everyone else, right? In Kanye’s usurping of Taylor’s mic, we recognized our own asshole decision to leave God. And we hated him for it.
Not everyone was at Coachella for this Prodigal Kanye moment, and I didn’t notice anyone quote his awwshucks confession to the audience: “This is the most important show to me since my mom died.” But the feeling of “we still love you, stupid” and collective forgiveness was palpable, and was sustained through the end of the set. At least that’s what I hear—I was busy taking tequila shots backstage with Danny DeVito et. al at that point ( ._.)
How was everyone’s Halloweekend? The rule for girl costumes is that you can be whatever you want, it just has to be made sexy. So if you want to be a cupcake, it has to be a sexy cupcake. If you want to be a ninja turtle, it has to be a sexy ninja turtle. You get the picture.
I was Jesus for Halloween. A sexy one.
I was doing some nostalgic YouTubing and came across this scene from Alice In Wonderland. The most inspirational moment to me is the Lazy Susans’ dramatic petal-sacrificing clap at the end. If I had to pick, my fave of the group is “androgynous pansy #3.” Btw, do you think if flowers wore underwear they’d wear bloomers? HAR HAR!
This clip leaves out the crux of the scene, however, when the flowers cast Alice from their thorny harem because she pulled a Peter Brady and croaked during their song. I think we can all relate to the archetypal story of being banished from a garden and called a “weed” (Kid Gap when I was an overgrown 8 year old…most of my years in club volleyball…monasteries). Sound familiar?
“The Garden of Eden, or the pre-separation condition, was a state of mind in which nothing was needed. When Adam listened to the ‘lies of the serpent,’ all he heard was untruth. You do not have to continue to believe what is not true unless you choose to do so. All that can literally disappear in the twinkling of an eye because it is merely a misperception. What is seen in dreams seems to be very real. Yet the Bible says that a deep sleep fell upon Adam, and nowhere is there reference to his waking up” (T-II.2.3.1-7).
Love this comment from the Youtube page:
